My ex-fiancé, F came to Sydney looking for me once and though I’d moved several times, he managed to track me down. He showed me a picture of his daughter. We spent a day together; house hunting. He didn’t want the day to end but I let him go by telling him I was to be married soon. I had no wedding plans at the time but in the end, I fulfilled my own prophecy. He went back to Hong Kong and subsequently produced another child, a son.
Later F moved back to Sydney with his family. A mutual friend told me that his wife was accusing me of calling their house and announcing myself to their son as ‘your father’s girlfriend’. Let me declare that if those circumstances were not fabricated, the caller was not me. Whoever made it up did not know me.
When you’ve shared a lifetime with someone, there must have been good times and bad. I don’t want to recount those days now. There were times of depression and despair and I earned myself a month’s respite in a mental hospital. I have no recollection of the first two weeks but the next fortnight of therapy did help me find the strength to carry on. ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ – I had given up my life once and once restored, chose to live, if it was to live alone.
There is no point in laying blame nor feeling bitter. The disintegration of a marriage is never simple. Not one person nor one event can be the sole cause. We all have our own way to deal with trauma; mine was to move on as best I can. Let go.
When I suggested to my ex husband that we should separate, he protested but as soon as I agreed to his keeping the bulk of our common properties, he produced the paperwork for my signature with alacrity. I signed.